


#spiderdad

by angryjane



Series: @realspidey [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Pepper Potts, Crossover, FRIDAY is a little shit, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Iron Family, Kidnapping, Miles Morales Needs a Hug, Not Serious, Okay sorry it actually ended up getting serious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Quentin Beck Being a Jerk, Quentin beck is an ASSHOLE, Social Media, Sweet Miles Morales, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Twitter, Villain Quentin Beck, but u knew that already huh, like an actual pig, my bad - Freeform, peter porker is... a pig..., whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-05-28 16:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 13,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19398088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: Peter is the king of Twitter, and every king needs an heir, right?





	1. #spiderdad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [benhargreevesismyghostbaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/benhargreevesismyghostbaby/gifts).



> i'm,,,, actually SO proud of this
> 
> PREPARE URSELVES-- I REALLY GALAXY BRAINED HERE

_ 5:16 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @ _ _ realspidey _

**_ @daddystark _ ** congrats

_ 5:17 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @realspidey _ ** ??????

_ 5:19 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

_ U'r _ _ a grandfather _

_ 5:27 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

He fainted. 

_ 5:28 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @realspidey _ ** Explain. Now.

_ 5:29 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

Wellllllllll I may or may not have informally adopted a kid

_ 5:32 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** Define “kid”

_ 5:32 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

He’s 15. A babey

_ 5:33 pm _

** Pepper Potts  ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** So he’s only a year younger than you? Thank god. Morgan is enough for me right now.

_ 5:34 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** okay but what I’m failing to grasp is,,,, why.

_ 5:35 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** why not

_ 5:35 pm _

** Nat ** _ @blackwidow _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** why not

_ 5:36 pm _

** God of Mischief  ** _ @loki-odinson _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** why not?

_ 5:36 pm _

** Hawkeye!!!!  ** _ @cawcawbitch _

**_ @daddystark _ ** why not

_ 5:38 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** why not

_ 5:39 pm _

** Rhodey ** _ @coronelrhodes _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** Why not, Tones? You did it.

_ 5:40 pm _

** Bruce  ** _ @drbrucebanner _

Like father, like son.  ** # ** ** irondad **

_ 5:41 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @drbrucebanner _ ** that’s different!!!

_ 5:42 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @daddystark _ ** How so?

_ 5:42 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @ _ ** **_ pepperpotts _ ** because I'm me! And he’s peter!!!

_ 5:43 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

should I be offended???

_ 5:45 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

also,  **_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** **__ ** ** i ** wanna be just like you!!!!

_ 5:45 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @ _ _ daddystark _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** and I wanted you to be better!

_ 5:46 pm _

** Rhodey ** _ @coronelrhodes _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** stop being dramatic, tones. Just be proud of your son

_ 5:47 pm _

** Rhodey ** _ @coronelrhodes _

** # ** ** irondad **

_ 5:48 pm _

** Hawkeye!!!  ** _ @cawcawbitch _

…..  ** # ** ** spiderdad **

_ 5:49 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

[ asldpkofjighijskopal [ fksodkop [ls} pv;xkbcmv l

_ 5:50  _

Tony > Beter

Tony: Talk to me, k id .

Tony: what’s going on

Beter: he’s like me, mr.stark

Tony: 1. I thought we were past this whole “ mr. Stark" thing

Tony: 2. I need a little more than that, kiddo

Beter: he’s spidery, like me

Beter: oscorp really needs to keep better track of their bugs

Tony: 

Tony: for fucks sake

Beter : he’s scared

Beter: he got my number from ned

Beter: apparently he just switched ot our school

Beter: and the bite is recent too

Beter: he’s a smart guy, and really fucking funny

Tony: language

Beter; fuck you

Tony: and you say I’M bad???

Tony: hypocrite

Beter: whatever  😛

Beter; I just want to help him

Tony:

Tony: alright

Tony: bring him by the tower tomorrow

Tony: we’ll work it out

Beter:  😀

Tony: come to the lab, let’s get started on some upgrades

Beter; thank you so much

Beter; love you, dad

Tony: love you too, pete

Beter :  uw u

Tony: blocked and reported

Beter : this is so  sad, FRIDAY play old town road

FRIDAY: Yes, Peter.

Beter : ?!?!?! 

Beter :  mr stark u didn’t tell me she’s in my texts?!?!?!

Tony: hm.

Beter:

Beter : brb  gotta go... do something.

Tony: hmph.

Beter : heh

Tony: be in the lab in twenty?

Tony: FRIDAY, turn that off.

FRIDAY: Yes, Boss.

Beter : FRIDAY, play never  gonna give you up at max volume in the  penthouse

FRIDAY: Yes, Peter.

Tony: FRIDAY, turn that off.

FRIDAY:

FRIDAY: Overriden. 

FRIDAY: Sorry, Boss. I like Peter better.

Beter: aljfksgndknp[lskogdjf;klsdlpokdjnghfks

Beter; take that, binch

Tony: don’t call me “binch” ever again

Beter: you’re not the boss of me

Tony: yes I am

Beter: technically I still don’t work for you

Beter : I'm a free man

Tony: *free babey

Beter : Fuck you.

Tony: language.

Tony: don’t let cap hear you, kid.

Tony: unless you want another lecture

Beter: …. yeah, no. sat through enough of those is gym

Tony: just come to the lab, kid

Beter : be there soon

Tony: “uwu”

Beter: ….

Beter: blocked and reported

Beter; FRIDAY, fire Mr. Stark.

FRIDAY: Done.

Tony: WHAT?!?!

Beter : my city now.

_ 7: 40 pm _

** BuzzFeed  ** _ @BuzzFeedNews _

** # ** ** spiderdad ** is now trending! Join the movement!

7:41 pm

** sMiles ** _ @ _ _ milesmorales _

** #spiderdad **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join the disaster discord!!!! https://discord.gg/eAetgQg


	2. welcome to the club

\-------

_ 3:02 pm _

Spidey Squad

_ Spidey  _ added  _ Miles _ .

_ Spidey _ changed Miles’s name to  _ New Kid _

_ ChairMan _ changed New Kid’s name to  _ Babey _

_ Babey  _ changed their name to  _ Baubue _

Baubue: hewwo???

MJ: blocked and reported

Spidey: ignore Mj; they’re just salty they didn’t realize ur secret sooner

MJ: * she today

Spidey: got it 

Spidey: uwu

MJ: “uwu” 

ChairMan: disqosting

Baubue : was no one  gonna tell me that peter porker sounds just like john mulaney

Baubue : or was I just supposed to wait for  gwen to text me that herself?

ChairMan: who’s peter porker

MJ: who’s gwen

Baubue: peter porker is a spiderman.... no, spiderHAM from another universe

Baubue : he’s a pig

Spidey: naturally.

Baubue: and gwen is my.... friend

MJ: just friend, miles?

Baubue : uhhhh

MJ: hmmmmmmmm

Spidey:  awwww do u have a crush on her??

Spidey: hold up I  gotta take off my suit so I can get on my cupid costume

Spidey: I'll borrow clint’s bow

Spidey: and shoot u two with arrows of looooooove

MJ: ….

Baubue: …...

ChairMan :  that was lame

Spidey:  🙁

Spidey: sad yeehaw

MJ: this is so sad  alexa play despacito

Spidey: *this is so sad FRIDAY play old town road

FRIDAY: Yes, Peter

ChairMan: whoa

ChairMan : since when was  friday here?

FRIDAY: I am everywhere, Ned.

ChairMan: ?!?!?!!?!?!

BauBue: what the fuck is a friday

FRIDAY: Friday is the sixth day of the week, named such  after the Norse goddess Frigga. 

Spidey: aklsfjnskgnl;sdljfnd

MJ: we’ve got a lot to tell u, miles

\-------

_ 2:16 pm _

** E! News ** _ @enews _

Who is Peter Parker’s new son? 

_ 4:07 pm _

** BuzzFeed News  ** _ @BuzzFeedNews _

Yesterday afternoon, in a since-deleted Twitter thread, Spiderman—a.k.a. Peter Parker, 16, incoming junior at Midtown High—confessed to Tony Stark that he’d  more or less adopted a child! Who is this mystery kid? All we know is that so far is that the boy uses he/him pronouns and is 15. Any clues we missed? Let us know!

_ 6:34 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @the-daily-bugle _

Local menace and all-around pest Spiderman  has adopted a child!  What kind of maniac allows a mere teenager to take responsibility for a child?!!?!

_ 6:35 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

Jeez,  **_ @the-daily-bugle  _ ** just @ me next time

_ 6:36 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @the-daily-bugle _

**_ @daddystark _ ** Alright.

_ 6:37 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @the-daily-bugle _

Local menace and all-around pest Spiderman  has adopted a child! What kind of maniac allows a mere teenager to take responsibility for a child?!!?! **_ @daddystark _ ** , that’s who!

_ 6:38 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @the-daily-bugle  _ ** fuck you

_ 6:39 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

Sign my petition to deactivate  **_ @the-daily-bugle _ ** for libel

_ 6:41 pm _

** bagelly ** ** blond  ** _ @little-bagel-boy _

_ “My dad owns Microsoft I’ll have you banned”  _ \--Tony Stark, 2019

_ 6:42 pm _

** Blockbuster Video  ** _ @blockbustervideo _

**_ @daddystark _ ** F

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
> 
> oh and join the disaster discord!!! https://discord.gg/eAetgQg


	3. mj snaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for shelby,,,,,,   
> i've only just met u but if anything were to happen to u i'd kill everyone who reads this fic then myself
> 
> uwu uwu uwu

_ \--------- _

_ 9:03 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @ _ _ michellejones _

u'know what pisses me off?

_ 9:06 pm _

** Ned ** _ @nedleeds _

**_ @ _ ** **_ michellejones _ ** a lot of things piss u off, mj

_ 9:07 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

**_ @nedleeds _ ** tru

_ 9:09 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

But the specific thing I was referring to was

_ 9:10 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

Why the flying FUCK isn’t there an ace day of visibility????

_ 9:11 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

Like, BITCH???? I'm right here??? Square up???? Notice me???

_ 9:12 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

Not only do we not get recognition from the CisHets™, but many members of the LGBTQ+ community don’t even!!!! Accept us!!!!! What's up with that!??!?!!?

_ 9:13 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

I know I have a lot of followers  bc I’m peter’s friend and I'm amazing, but like,,,, if u don’t like ace ppl,,,, fuck off

_ 9:14 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

For fucking ever, ace people have been pushed aside and told there was “something wrong” or they “just hadn’t met the right person yet”

_ 9:15 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

BULLSHIT

_ 9:16 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

Ace people are valid!!!! We're so valid!!!! If u can’t deal with it, fight me u coward

_ 9:16 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @ _ _ michellejones _

Bet. No balls.

_ 9:17 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

On that note,  aros are valid too, and I'll die on this hill

_ 9:20 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

Thanks for coming  ot my TED talk

_ 9:21 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

RETWEET

_ 9:22 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @michellejones  _ ** Michelle,,,, I love u,,,,, I'd die for u,,,, u are so valid,,,,  gah ,, ur MIND

_ 9:23 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

_ 9:24 pm _

** Ned ** _ @nedleeds _

**_ @ _ ** **_ michellejones _ ** I'd die for you

_ 9:25 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

**_ @nedleeds _ ** then perish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be lovely uwu


	4. dress for the occasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for cameron/wolfie uwu uwu babe

\--------

_ 4:02 pm  _

** Ned Leeds ** _ @nedleeds _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** __ really.... did that, huh.

_ 4:03 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @ _ _ realspidey _

Damn  straight I did!!!!!

_ 4:03 pm _

** MJ™ ** _ @michellejones _

**_ @realsppidey _ ** *damn bi

_ 4:04 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

oh u rite u rite  **_ @ _ ** **_ michellejones _ **

_ 4:05 pm _

** Charlie Is My Baby!!! ** _ @I_love_spidey_and_wolfie _

Wait but.... **_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** what did u DO?

_ 4:06 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @ _ ** **_ I_love_spidey_and_wolfie _ ** mj and I had a bet, and I lost, so I wore one of their dresses to school today

_ 4:07 pm _

** IRONSTAN ** _ @ilovetonystark35792 _

**_ @realspidey _ ** pics or it didn’t happen

_ 4:08 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

_ @ _ **_ ilovetonystark35792 _ ** 1) I love ur username and totally agree 2) bet:

[imageattached.jpg]

_ 4:09 pm _

** IRONSTAN ** _ @ilovetonystark35792 _

Oh my god;ALKFJSKGNDBML;

_ 4:10 pm _

** Betty Brant ** _ @bettybrant02 _

legends only

_ 4:11 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @bettybrant02 _ ** thank u, betty uwu

_ 4:12 pm _

** B-Abe  ** _ @abebrown1111 _

Oh fun fact-- **** **_ @ _ ** **_ flashthompson _ ** legit did a spit take when he saw peter. And swallowed his gum. It was fantastic, he was so red

_ 4:13 pm _

** Flash ** _ @flashthompson _

**_ @abebrown1111 _ ** blocked and reported

_ 4:14 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

I showed Morgan the picture and she said she wanted to be a princess just like her big brother. 

_ 4:15 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

Jwadknsfgkldsamjn fjdlmaskmcvdjnk I'm not crying  yOU”RE CRYING

_ 4:16 pm _

** Rhodey ** _ @coronelrhodes _

**_ @daddystark _ ** you know, tones, this reminds me of that time at mit.....

_ 4:17 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

Don't.

_ 4:18 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @ _ ** **_ coronelrhodes _ ** what time???

_ 4:19 pm _

** Rhodey  ** _ @coronelrhodes _

[imageattached.jpg]

_ 4:20 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

Saok;fdkjnfbk;ldask;fjbdnlfasjsdnb DAD WHAT WHY ARE U WEARING A WEDDING DRESS 

_ 4:22 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** is in shock form Peter organically calling him dad. Please hold. 

_ 4:23 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @pepperpotts _ ** fuck u

_ 4:23 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

**_ @ _ ** **_ daddystark _ ** There’s time for that later, darling.

_ 4:24 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

Asjdndkfbkvlnvmom ur a BADASS

_ 4:25 pm _

** Pepper Potts ** _ @pepperpotts _

Thank you, Pete.

_ 4:26 pm _

** Iron Dad ** _ @daddystark _

**_ @ _ ** **_ coronelrhodes _ ** ur dead to me

_ 4:27 pm _

** Spidey  ** _ @realspidey _

pfft. get naenaed, dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll give u more miles content soon i SWEAR. cam just inspired me ;)
> 
> have a lovelyyyyyyyyy evening, cuz i sure haven't been!!!!!!!


	5. fmk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to [GinnyRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyRose/pseuds/GinnyRose) for their amazing fic [Peter Parker vs. the Rules of the Universe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14852528)
> 
> it's SO GOOD i HIGHLY recommend it
> 
> also  
> all the decathlon team are lgbt disasters u can't convince me otherwise  
> cindy: distinguished bi  
> sally: disaster lesbian  
> betty: distinguished demi  
> abe: functional bi  
> charles: distinguished gay  
> change my mind

_ July 4 2:31 pm _

** Drama Hoes **

** Betty: ** I'm bored

** Betty:  ** this bbq sucks

** Cindy:  ** stop texting us; u should be spending time with ur family

** Betty: ** awww cind don’t be such a goodie two shoessssss

** B-Abe: ** yeah cindy

** Sally: ** yea moonie

** Charles ** :  awww leave her be guys

** Cindy: ** thank u charles

** Charles: ** we all know  cindy is a lawful good anyway

** Sally: ** oh fax

** Betty: ** eyes emoji

** B-Abe: ** mmmm idea

** Sally: ** owo what’s this

** B-Abe: ** don’t say that

** Sally: ** owo

** Sally: ** what’s this

** B-Abe: ** blocked and reported

** Sally:  ** 😛

** Cindy: ** what’s the idea

** B-Abe: ** let’s play fmk

** Sally:  ** OH HELL YEAH

** Betty:  ** I'm down

** Charles: ** no thanks

** Cindy: ** yeah I'm out

** Sally: ** lame  😛

** B-Abe: ** so just me sally and betty

** B-Abe: ** okay then

** B-Abe: ** @sally  fmk: iron man,  thor ,  hawkeye

** Sally: ** mmmmm

** Sally: ** fuck  thor bc he hot, marry  strk bc he rich, and kill hawkeye bc he annoying as fuck

** Betty: ** valid

** Sally: ** @betty **** fmk :  abe , peter, or  ned

** Betty: **

** Betty: ** … I hate u

** Sally: ** sounds fake but ok

** Betty: ** fuck peter. 

** Sally: ** mmm

** Betty:  ** bc he’s a SUPERHERO he’s  gotta be like.... ripped

** B-Abe:  ** oh fax

** Betty: ** kill abe

** B-Abe: ** understandable

** Betty:  ** and marry ned

** Sally:  ** mmmmm

** B-Abe; ** because you looooooooooove him!!!!!

** Betty: ** shut up abe

** Sally: i ** t’s ok bet we all know u two are an aborable nerd couple

** Betty: ** shut up he doesn’t like me that way

** B-Abe:  ** sure jan

** Betty:  ** @sally fine then

** Betty: ** fmk: black widow, scarlet witch or.... cindy

** Sally:  ** fuck u

** Betty: ** now  now , sally, u  have to choose from ppl on the list

** Sally: ** fuck scarlet witch marry  cindy kill black widow bc she’s scary

** B-Abe: ** awwwwww

** Betty: ** sally and  cindy , sitting in a tree-

** B-Abe: ** k I s  s I n g 

** Sally: ** ur both dead to me

** B-Abe:  ** this is very not happy,  siri play old town road

** Sally: ** ….

** Betty: ** …..

**_ B-Abe  _ ** _ was kicked from the chat. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be lovely!!! also expect another chapter in an hour or so. depends on how distracted i get while writing it.
> 
> wanna talk about spiderman??? come join the [disaster discord!!](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg)
> 
> okay okay
> 
> have a lovely fourth: destroy the atrocious capitalist overlords this holiday. celebrate our day of independence by fighting for the independence of others. do not sit back and watch. the work is not done. we are not finished yet.


	6. what's in a name

_ 3:19 pm  _ ** Spidey Squad **

** Baubae ** ** : ** hey @mj

** Baubae ** ** : ** u look  kinda like this chick zendaya

** MJ: ** whomst the fuck is zendaya

** Baubae ** ** :  ** she’s in some movie gwen showed me

** Baubae ** ** : ** she play’s spiderham’s love interest

** Baubae ** ** : ** she’s not a pig  tho she’s a human

** Bauebae ** ** :  ** it was... odd

** MJ: ** well I assure u miles, I've never fucked a pig

** ChairMan: ** bet

** Spidey: ** receipts???

** MJ: ** shut the fuck up

** Spidey: ** make me

** ChairMan ** ** : ** oh no dude

** ChairMan ** ** : ** rip peter, died a lonely death at MJ’s wrath, 2k19

** Baubae ** ** :  ** he will be missed

** MJ: ** will he, tho?

** Spidey: ** sad yeehaw

** CharMan ** ** : ** this is so sad, FRIDAY play uptown funk

** FRIDAY: ** Yes, Ned.

** Spidey: ** no wait  dont

** Spidey:  ** friday wjy id  tjat so loude

** FRIDAY: ** Volume reduced by 50%. Better?

** Spidey: ** fri ,,, babe,,, pls stop responding to anything that goes “this is so sad  friday play____”

** FRIDAY: ** As you wish, Peter.

** Spidey: ** thank god

** MJ: ** you’re welcome

** ChairMan: ** sdjlnkgl;gfl’

** Baubae: ** is this all I was missing...??

** Baubae: ** I mean I love u and all but how is this going to help me be spiderman

** Spidey: ** hey wait

** Spidey: ** bitch u can’t ALSO be  spiderman

** Spidey: ** get ur own name

** ChairMan ** ** :  ** u two should fight to the death for the rights

** ChairMan: ** ready 

** ChairMan: ** setty

** ChairMan: ** goey

** Baubae: ** rock

** Spidey: ** paper

** ChairMan ** ** : ** peter wins

** Spidey:  ** hahahaha get naenaed

** Baubae:  ** I demand a rematch

** Spidey: ** sorry i'm busy that day

** Baubae ** ** : ** I didn’t even specify a day yet

** Spidey:  ** s orry  im busy that day

** Baubae:  ** fuck u

** Spidey: ** sure thing hun

** Baebae: ** ….

** ChairMan: ** ds;nfjklg;’

** MJ: ** you guys are losers

** MJ: ** love that for you

_ 3:36 pm _

**_ Beter _ ** **__ ** _ created a group. _

**_ Beter _ ** _ added  _ **_ dadman _ ** _ and  _ **_ Miles _ ** _ to the group. _

**_ Beter _ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_ Raising SpiderKids _ **

** Beter ** ** :  ** @dadman, meet miles

** Miles:  ** hello??

** dadman ** ** : ** hello miles

** dadman ** ** : ** **** I'm tony stark. I trust u’ve heard of me?

** Miles: **

** Miles: ** holy shit

** MIles ** ** : ** hily sjit

** Miles:  ** ur  dony strank

** Miles: ** toni strak

** Miles: ** I mean tony stank

** Miles:  ** I mean tony stark

** Miles: ** god what is wrong with me

** Miles: ** gah wait 

** Miles:  ** oh man

** dadman ** ** : ** **** u okay there, bud???

** Miles:  ** I'm fantastic thanks

** Beter ** ** : ** I get it

** Beter ** ** : ** the hero worship rubs off after a bit tho

** dadman: ** **** hey! I resent that

** Beter ** ** : ** get naenaed, dad

** dadman ** ** : ** I still don’t know what that means

** Beter ** ** : ** it’s  like,,, lik e”get fucked” but friendlier

** Beter ** ** :  ** bc we don’t /say/ the fuck word

** Miles:  ** the fuck word a;dfngdkll’a

** dadman: ** **** ah.

** Beter: ** ….

** Beter ** ** : ** **** u still don’t get it, do u

** dadman: ** not at all

** Beter: ** sigh

** Beter:  ** u r so old

** dadman ** ** : ** is that any way to speak to ur father?!?!

** Beter ** ** : ** I do what I want

** Beter ** ** :  ** u can’t stop me

** dadman ** ** : ** **** I know that by now

** dadman ** ** : ** I learned my lesson last time

** Miles:  ** last time??? What happened  last time??

** dadman ** ** : ** we don’t talk about what happened last time

** Beter:  ** hmm

** dadman ** ** : ** shut it, underoos

** Beter ** ** : ** okay dad  😉

** Miles: ** wait but what happened last time

_ 3:59 pm _

** Raising  ** ** Spiderkids **

** Miles:  ** hello?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is miles ooc??? i'd love to know what u think of him as i write him
> 
> have a lovely night :)


	7. this is so sad, friday...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when in doubt, use the sassy ai as a copout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so lame.... this is so sad, friday play somebody to love by queen
> 
> dedcated to cameron. uwu uwu babes.

_6:09 pm_

**sMiles** _@_ _milesmorales_

Why is being bi so hard 

_6:10 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

like,,,,, homophobia aside, I mean 

_6:10 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

There's just,,,, so many ppl to b attracted to,,,, 

_6:11 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@_ ** **_milesmorales_ ** oh big mood. 

_6:12 pm_

**Charlie** _@charlie11111_

**_@milesmorales_ ** you know spiderman??? 

_6:13 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

Uhhhhh no no way what are you talking about 

_6:14 pm_

**SMiles** _@_ _milesmorales_

who's spiderman??? 

_6:15 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

me, bitch 

_6:16 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

Sorry peter 

_6:17 pm_

**Charlie** _@charlie11111_

**_@_ ** **_milesmorales_ ** so u DO know him???? 

_6:18 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

_6:19 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@milesmorales_ ** smooth. 

_6:20 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

**_@_ ** **_michellejones_ ** thanks, mj 

_6:21 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

There's been a misunderstanding, **_@_ ** **_milesmorales_ **. maybe u couldn’t feel the sarcasm thru ur screen 

_6:22 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

….oh 

_6:23 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

sad yeehaw 

_6:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

this is so sad, friday play old town road 

_6:25 pm_

**FRIDAY** _@FRIDAYstarktower_

Yes, Peter. 

_6:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Ask;dfjlnbds,kmvjnb ur on twitter TOO???? 

_6:27 pm_

**FRIDAY** _@FRIDAYstarktower_

I told you, Peter. I am everywhere. 

_6:27 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

creepy 

_6:28 pm_

**FRIDAY** _@FRIDAYstarktower_

You’ve hurt my feelings, Miles. 

_6:29 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

Sorry fri 

_6:29 pm_

**FRIDAY** _@FRIDAYstarktowers_

It’s quite alright, Miles. I will just be removing your admin privileges at the Tower. 

_6:30 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

nooooooooooooooo 

_6:31 pm_

**FRIDAY** _@FRIDAYstarktowers_

This is quite sad, may I suggest playing Despacito? 

_6:32 pm_

**s** **Miles** _@_ _milesmorales_

sjkdflgjndkm;ldsakmdjnfglm;d;s 

_6:33 pm_

**Beter** ** > ** **dadman**

**Beter** **:** did u give friday a twitter 

**dadman:** …. Maybe so 

**Beter** **:** I- 

**Beter:** everytime u use a vine I lose a year off my life 

**Dadman:**

_8:03 pm_

**Charlie** _@charlie11111_

Is no one else gonna wonder why miles had admin privileges or...???? Remember what happened last time, ppl?? With peter??? HeLLO???? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ideas would be lovely bc i am STUCK.
> 
> also??? wanna come be a disaster with the cool kids?? come [here](https://discord.gg/CFJfYrS)


	8. oink oink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh.

\----------------

_ 7:37 pm _

** Beter ** ** > ** ** smiles **

** Beter: ** hey so

** Beter ** ** : ** do u happen to know why a pig just fell out of the sky

** Smiles: ** ….

** Smiles: ** sigh

** Smlies: ** where u at

** Beter ** ** : ** _ sent a location. _

** Smiles: ** be there in a sec

_ 7:43 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @thedailybugle _

[video attached]

[the video is a news feed of a pig with a large head and small body. He is wearing a Spider-Man costume and carrying a large hammer.

“Hello? Is this thing on?” He reaches over and taps at the mic the reporter is holding out to him. It echoes, and he winces. “Sorry  bout that, folks.” He clears his throat. “Alright, America. Listen up, and listen  good \- well? Is it well or good? Doesn’t matter. 

“I,” A sweeping hand gesture and a sly grin, “Am Peter Parker, but you may call me Spiderham. I need to speak to the Spider-person of this world, as soon as possible. Is that alright with you guys? Yes?” 

The reporter coughs.

“I’m going to take that as a yes, John. I’m gonna call you John, because you look like a John.”

“My name’s Hank.”

“Too bad, John. You snooze, you lose, or whatever the saying is. The early spider gets the fly, and all that jazz. Hey, speaking of jazz, is Ella Fitzgerald still around? No? Damn. I like her.

“You know, back in my reality, she and that Brendon Urie fella are quite the duo. Like the twenties came back to bite you, and it brought all its emo friends. 

“Who is the leading authority on jazz here, anyway?”

“It’s a dying art.”

The pig gasped. “You take that back!”

Hank (John?) did not, in fact, take it back. 

Spiderham shook his  head, and hit the reporter with his comic-strip hammer. A popup appeared where the man and the hammer had met, red and yellow and proclaiming, “POW!” in cringy Comic Sans. 

“ Spiderperson , come find me.”

The video cut out to John rubbing his head.]

_ 7:45 pm _

** NYPD  ** _ @newyorkpolicedepartment _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** , your presence is requested.

_ 7:45 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

**_ @ _ ** **_ newyorkpolicedepartment _ ** way ahead of you, guys. And I'm bringing backup!!!!

_ 7:46 pm _

** NYPD  ** _ @newyorkpolicedepartment _

The Avengers will not be necessary,  **_ @realspidey _ **

_ 7:47 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

Who said anything about the avengers,  **_ @ _ ** **_ newyorkpolicedepartment _ ** ? I’ve got a guy.

_ 7:48 pm _

** Smiles > Beter **

** Smiles:  ** it’s me, isn’t it?

** Smiles: ** I'm the guy?

** Beter:  ** ur the guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyes emoji.
> 
> [one of us.](https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S)


	9. the tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to dedicate this chapter to [goldenn,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenn/pseuds/goldenn) who made my year by leaving FORTY TWO WHOLEASS COMMENTS in my inbox. i'd die for u, babey.
> 
> pro tip! read [charliebradburyismyspiritanimal's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliebradburyismyspiritanimal/pseuds/charliebradburyismyspiritanimal)[harlety/peter fic!!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013580/chapters/42559970)  
> it's FANTASTIC

\----------

“You’re the prettiest princess I’ve ever seen.” Morgan declared, gazing up at her dad. He was all decked out, dressed to the nines—tutu, tiara and all. Beside him, Pepper sat cross-legged on the ground in front of their tea table, pouring lemonade for DUM-E. 

“Have you seen yourself,  Maguna ? You take the cake.” 

Morgan giggled, tumbling down into her mother’s lap. “Mommy, tell Daddy he’s pretty.”

Pepper looked up. “You’re very pretty, Tony.”

“Why thank you, Your Highness.” Tony swept himself into a curtsey. Morgan cackled, scrunching her face and throwing her head back. 

“Sir,” FRIDAY cut in, “Incoming call.”

“Fri, what did I tell you?”

“Sir-”

“What did I tell you?” Tony repeated, putting his hands on his hips.

“...Not to disturb your weekly teatime with Princess Morgan.” The AI intoned.

“That’s right. Now, what could possibly be so important that you’ve overridden my explicit instructions? Does my word really mean that little to you, darling?” Tony faux-sniffed, winking at Morgan, who pushed her head into Pepper’s chest. “I’m hurt, Fri, really  hurt.“

“Sir, it’s from Peter.”

Tony straightened up, “Well why didn’t you just say so?”

“I tried, Sir, but yiu wouldn’t let me.” She sounded indignant, as if her nose were upturned.

“Put him through.”

Peter’s face popped up on a nearby screen. “Hey Mr. Stark, hi Mom, hi Morgan.”

“Petey!” Morgan stood and rushed at the screen, putting her eager face up close, “You aren’t at teatime again!”

“I know, Boo, but,” Peter scratched the back of his head, “Something came up... Or, down. From the sky.” 

“The sky?” Morgan shouted, grabbing Tony’s leg, “Let’s go see it!”

“No,  Maguna , you  gotta stay here.” Morgan  pouted up at him, and tony sighed. “If you don’t stay here, who will protect Queen Potts?”

“That’s right,” Pepper interjected, patting her daughter’s shoulder, “I need my knight to protect me.”

Tony furrowed his brow. “I thought she was a princess?”

“She can be both,” Peter pointed out helpfully.

Morgan nodded sagely, “Like you, Daddy!”

“Oh, of course. What was I thinking?” He crouched in front of his daughter, dropping a hand on either shoulder. “I’ll be back soon, alright? But in the meantime, I need you to look after Mommy. Can you do that, baby?” 

Nodding dutifully, she moved to her mother’s side and sat beside her, sipping lemonade from a plastic teacup.

Suit forming around him, Tony headed towards the window. “Alright, Peter,” He began, talking into his mask, “What’s up?”

\--------

“A pig?” Cap asked incredulously, leaning both hands onto the conference table.

“He’s not a threat,” Natasha offered.

“ Because he’s a pig!”

“Because he’s an ally.” Tony came striding in, Peter in tow, “And he wants to talk to us. Or, rather, to our resident Spider-Baby.” 

“I resent that,” Peter shot back, sticking his tongue out at Tony, who stuck his own out back.

“Mature. A wonderful role model.” Bruce commented.

“Why are we here, again?” Clint asked. “It seems like the  kid’s got it under control.”

“Yeah, dad, I have it under control.”

“We’re here,” Strange interjected, looking up from where he was toying with his locket, “Because the pig is from another dimension.”

No one spoke for a moment, then Clint muttered, “Figures.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!! wanna be a cool kid?? [join the disaster discord!!!](https://discord.gg/Vw3PVcQ)
> 
> have a lovely wednesday.
> 
> i can hear you breathing. you dont think anyone else hears it, but i do. 
> 
> i always do.


	10. update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lived bitch

\----------------

_ 4:19 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

Has Spider-Man  brought an interdimensional threat to our home?

_ 4:20 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

In a recent video, a small, talking pig calling himself “Spider-Ham” has landed in the streets of New York. He wears a costume much like our own Spider-Menace's and sounds remarkably like well-known comedian John Mulaney. Spider-Ham, aka Peter Porker, came asking to speak with Spider-Man, suggesting that there are other Spider-people in other dimensions.

_ 4:21 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

Speaking for the people, we  have to ask—Just who’s side is this Spider-Ham on? Is he here for good, or for evil?

_ 4:22 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

While we’re on the subject, what has Spider-Man been up to? He and his known father-figure have gone off the grid for the past six days, taking the Spider-Ham with them. Also mysteriously quiet is the Stark Industries PR department, after a minor feud with  Oscrp over their experiments.

_ 4:23 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

In the argument, which happened last Thursday on Twitter and is screenshotted below, Stark Industries accused  Oscorp of heinous experiments against the laws of  nature, and went on to blame the strife of two boys—Peter Parker, as well as an unnamed child—on experiments set loose. No receipts were provided for these claims, however, and neither company has spoken out to the public since. 

_ 4:24 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

In other news,  Beyonce kicked off her world tour today with a debut of a new single titled “Spidey Bells,” a tribute to the webslinger, who the idol claims to be “her hero.... love that little guy.”

_ 4:25 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

Our own Midtown School of Science and Technology has recently won a trip to Europe, departing earlier this week for Venice. It is rumored that they are looking to introduce a new member, and a freshman at that. Can he stand the challenge? We’ll see!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://discord.gg/YjjsQVj
> 
> eyes emoji.


	11. fresh prince of the spiderverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now this is a story all about how  
> My life got flipped turned upside down  
> And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there  
> I'll tell you how I was not the only Spiderman that ever was there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh i tried to make spider-ham's monologue reminiscent of Luis's in antman.

\-------------

“So,” the pig began in a voice stolen from John Mulaney, “I’m walking down the street the other day, eating a hot dog-- well, a tofu dog, I’m no cannibal, thank you very much—and I see the news. ‘Who is  Misterio ?’ it asks, and I say, ‘Heck, I  dunno .’ But from the looks of it, this guy is Bad News, capital B, capital N.  So I get talking to my buddies—the other  Spiderpeople , that is, from their own  Spiderverses , you know how it is--” 

“No, I don’t,” Peter interrupted, glancing out the plane window. He was supposed to be on his team field trip right now, and instead he was stuck with this mess. “But go off I guess.”

‘--and they say, ‘Yeah, we know a  Misterio . He  _ is _ Bad News, capital B, capital N.’ My hunch was right, and it usually is. I say, ‘Well, Peter—not you, another Peter--Penny, Miles—again, not you, Miles, other Miles--Gwyn, and associated parties,’ and Noir got mad at me for not including him in my little address here, but I ignored him, because I’m still mad at him, ‘What are we to do about it?’” the Pig shrugs. “They say, ‘I dunno.’ and Peter goes back to eating his pizza. ‘Can I get back now?’ He asked me, ‘Cuz I have a very important date with Grey’s Anatomy tonight at eight o’clock. Seven  central .’ He goes, and then Gwyn goes, then Penny, and it’s just me and Noir. He tips his hat at me, all gentleman-like, and I’m blushing, and he goes too.  So I figure I have to do this one on my own. 

“I’m looking into it, and I realize, heck on a horseshoe, this guy’s been everywhere. He just, you know, ops from universe to universe, plotting his plots, doing as he pleases. You know, I saw another one, like this one, ‘ cept Mister Stark there was dead, and no one there knew what was up about your identity, and you had to fight  Misterio in Europe, on that danged school trip we’re skipping right now, and he outed you before faking his death,  _ again _ , and hopping  outta the ‘verse. And I think,” He looked down at his fancy, universe-hopping watch, “He’s headed here. Thought, ‘hey, maybe I should let these nice folks know what’s going on here, so he can’t pull the wool over their eyes  too, and do something about him.’”

“I was dead?” Tony sputtered, from his seat beside Peter.

“Yeah, after all that  Thanos bullshit. In that universe,  y’all didn’t do too hot against him. Luckily that’s not the case here, amirite?”

“There’s another me?” Miles asked, tilting his head, “and another Peter?”

“Course there is. Multiverse, remember?”

“Holy shit, there’s a multiverse, that’s so- I mean, that changes the entirety of how we look at things.that means-”

“So,” Tony cuts Peter off, “Do all the pigs in your universe talk, or just you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! i'm super proud of this, actually-- bc i used the spiderverse's bullshit science to bullshit my own way into making spiderverse, the actual mcu, AND my bullshit story all co-exist. i am so PROUD ngl 
> 
> have a lovely day ;)   
> 
> 
> ps mmmmmm as a poll: would u rather i make misterio actually be misterio or beck in this? like,,,, how'd u like that to play out. i have ideas for either.
> 
> OH AND??? come be a cool kid and join the discord!!! https://discord.gg/eAetgQg


	12. bzzzzzzzzzzz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gwah sorry i was gone so long whoops
> 
> also??? im dopng this on a tablet so the formatting might be icky. i'll fix it when im on my laptop uwu

2:19 pm

BuzzFeed News

It seems that our guest has left! Earlier this morning, our sources reported that Peter Porker left via universe-hopping watch on the rooftop of Stark Tower. Talking, universe-bending pigs in masks…. What’s next? Black and white realities? Robot Spiders? 

2:41 pm

Can u just @u-need-2-calm-down

…..we’re all gonna die, aren’t we

2:46 pm

Walking Talking @MEMEMACHINE

Welp…..our greatest line of defense just headed for the hills ig

2:48 pm

Selena!! @selena01

@MEMEMACHINE ….our greatest line of defense was a talking pig who fell out of the sky? 

2:49 pm

Walking Talking @MEMEMACHINE

@selena!! yea

2:53 pm

Selena!! @selena01

@MEMEMACHINE but….. the avengers?????

2:56 pm

Walking Talking @MEMEMACHINE

@selena01 fuck avenger lives

2:57 pm

Walking Talking @MEMEMACHINE

*except spidey 

2:59 pm

Selena!! @selena01

@MEMEMACHINE *and pepper potts

3:02 pm

Walking Talking @MEMEMACHINE

@selena01 oh u rite u rite

\------

3:20 pm

Spidey @realspidey

Hiya everyone. I know y’all have a lot of questions about everything that’s been going on, but let me assure you: we do(n’t?) have everything under control. 

3:21 pm

MJ @michellejones

@realspidey peter, that wasn’t reassuring at all

3:22 pm

Spidey @realspidey

@michellejones tHaT wAsN’t ReAsSuRiNg At AlL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway. join the disaster discord: https://discord.gg/YjjsQVj
> 
> eat my dust. smoke it. let it fill ur lungs. get high off the fumes of your own defeat. 
> 
> it softens the blow.


	13. early morning mumbling

1:23 am

Spidey @realspidey

This just in: being queer is a requirement for being a superhero, and that’s the tea. thanks for coming to my ted talk 

1:27 am

Chair Man @nedleeds

@relaspidey…. Explain.

1:32 am

Spidey @realspidey

@nedleeds name one cishet avenger

1:35 am

Chair Man @nedleeds

@realspidey…. Fuck.

1:36 am

Spidey @realspidey

Told u

1:42 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

@realspidey peter what is the rule?

1:43 am

Spidey @realspidey

@daddystark no walking on the ceiling

1:44 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

@realspidey …well, yes. But I meant the other rule.

1:46 am

Spidey @realspidey

@daddystark no pranks with clint.

1:47 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

@realspidey yes that too but I meant the other OTHER rule

1:51am

Spidey @realspidey

@daddystark don’t talk to happy before his seconds cup of coffee

1:53 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

@realspidey okay im just going to say it

1:54 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

no, absolutely No pr after midnight

1:55 am

Spidey @realspidey

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

1:57 pm

Spidey @realspidey

….gotta go. bye twitter 

1:58 am

sMiles @milesmorales

this is so sad Friday play old town road

1:58 am

FRIDAY

Yes, Miles.

1:59 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

@milesmorales the rule applies to you too young man

2:00 am

sMiles @milesmorales

sad yeehaw

2:01 am

MJ @michellejones

Press f

2:01 am

MJ @michellejones

F

2:02 am

SPIDERMAN’s BOYFRIEND @flashthompson

F

2:03 am

NYPD @new-york-police-department

F.

\--

4:20 am

Spidey @realspidey

Haha blaze it

4:21 am

Iron Dad @daddystark

PETER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come HERE: https://discord.gg/YjjsQVj


	14. public relations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm so i have the next two done, and i'm hoping to finish a couple more... im on a Writing Spree™
> 
> i'm just gonna post them when i feel like it u know

_ 5:12 pm _

** Rex  ** _ @rexasaurous _

Sooooo is no one going to say shit about stark having ANOTHER kid? This  “s miles ” dude???

\--------

_ 7:18 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @thedailybugleofficial _

So Tony Stark is at it again: As Twitter user  **_ @ _ ** **_ rexasaurous _ ** pointed out in a recent tweet, Tony Stark seems to have adopted yet another child, Miles Morales ( **_ @ _ ** **_ milesmorales _ ** ). Ridiculous, really, that a man with  a mental  age of a child is adopting children himself. We cannot stand by and let this happen!

_ 8:31 pm _

** Raising  ** ** Spiderkids **

** Miles: ** houston we have a problem

** Beter ** ** : ** yeah: my will to live has gone missing

** dadman ** ** :  ** haha peter you’re so FUCKING FUNNY 

** MIles:  ** whoa there

** Beter: ** he’s triggered

** Beter ** ** : ** it was a joke dad uwu

** dadman: ** don’t you “ uwu ” me young man

** dadman ** ** : ** I  blime this fiasco on you

** Miles: ** im guessing yall saw twitter

** dadman ** ** : ** yes sirree

** Beter ** ** : ** dad never say “yes sirree” ever again

** dadman: ** yes sirree

** Beter ** ** : ** blocked and reported

** Beter ** ** : ** sign my petition to kick dad from the chat

** Miles: ** I'll sign that petition

** dadman: ** wait 

** dadman ** ** : ** how can you have “raising spiderkids” without a parental unit?? Then it’s just... spiderkids

** Beter: ** good

** Miles: ** good

** Beter: ** oh same hat

** Miles: ** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

** Beter: ** ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

** dadman: ** I hate you both

** Beter: ** now now father

** Beter: ** it’s not nice to lie

** Miles: ** asdjnkfbkodsal

** dadman ** ** : ** miles, you were saying?

** Beter ** ** : ** wow u  really just gonna ignore me?? Rude as af

** Miles:  ** peter u can’t say “as  af ” 

** Beter ** ** : ** ye I can

** Beter: ** watch

** Beter: ** as af

** dadman ** ** : ** MILES  wanna gimme the Important News so I can get away from you two heathens??

** dadman: ** and clean up your mess??

** Miles: ** oh rite rite rite

** Miles: ** _ [sent a screenshot] _

** Miles: ** _ [sent a screenshot] _

** Miles: ** _ [sent a screenshot] _

** Miles: ** _ [sent a screenshot] _

** Miles: ** _ [sent a screenshot] _

** dadman ** ** : ** gosh darned father-hecking fuck

** Beter: ** mood

** dadman ** ** : ** I didn’t want to have to do this to you but--

**_ dadman _ ** **__ ** _ added  _ **_ Pepper Potts _ **

**_ dadman  _ ** _ renamed Pepper Potts  _ **_ Mother _ **

** Mother: ** **__ ** Please hold.

** Miles: ** ?

** dadman: ** she’s scrolling.

** Beter: ** ah.

** Mother: ** Children, I am both disappointed and amused. Well done. I’ll contact PR.

**_ Mother _ ** _ left the chat. _

** Beter: ** a legend

** Miles: ** we stan we stan we STAN pepper potts

** Beter: ** *and tony stark

** Miles:  ** oh fax

** Miles: ** but this is Natasha Romanov erasure

** Beter: ** tru tho

** Beter ** ** :  ** Best Aunt of All Time

** Miles:  ** ig she’s my great aunt  bc u said tony was my grandpa

** dadman ** ** : ** wait I’m not old enough to be a grandpa!

** Beter: ** yes u are

** Miles: ** yes you are

** Miles:  ** mr. Stark sir

** dadman ** ** : ** why do I stay here

** Beter ** ** : ** bc u  loooooooove usssss u softie

** dadman ** ** : ** oh yeah. That.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get naenaed and join the [discord!](https://discord.gg/RKJmMbx)


	15. meet the family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
> 
> there's an n in there.

Miles had never been anywhere near this fancy: all sleek metal and minimalism, ruined by the web hammock  hanging in one corner and the tea set strewn on the floor. 

“ Heya kid.” Tony was sipping from a cracked mug with the print “Midtown PTA,” leaning against the counter in sweatpants and a suit jacket. “Peter!” He called over his shoulder.

Peter rounded the corner, chattering into his phone. “No, May, it’s fine. Yes. No, you don’t have to do that. Okay. Fine, fine. I  gotta go. See you on Saturday. Love you May.... No. I’m not saying that.... Fine.” And then whispered, with furtive glances at the other two, “ Larb you.”

Miles snorted, stepping over an upturned teacup to get to the other two. 

“So, I gained like a  bajillion followers overnight,” He started, dropping into one of the expensive barstools, “And got verified. That’s cool, right?” 

Peter nodded sagely. “The highest honor.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Pepper’s been working her ass off all night. Calling everyone she has pull with to spin this how she wants it spun. Which is, by the way, that you two are friends, and that’s all. That’s how I know you. No spider-bullshit, got it?”

Peter mock-saluted, and Miles nodded. Ruffling a hand through Peter’s hair (eliciting a weak “ _ hey!” _ from the boy) and dumping the rest of his mug into the sink, Tony headed through a door marked “Princesses ONLY.” in large letters, with “AND KNIGHTS” scrawled in  smaller print below it.

__ It was still weird to see  _ Tony Stark  _ so casual, but Miles liked it. It was kind of funny, really, to see the man who had single-handedly saved the world time and time over trip on a pink slipper and curse to himself, or kiss children so willy-nilly when he was tired. 

After meeting Peter, he’d been ushered through the city to the foot of the Tower, and Tony had been  _ waiting _ for him. He’d known his  _ name _ . 

And then the three of them had headed to some tiny ice cream joint a block away, where the clerk apparently knew the duo and their exact orders down to the sprinkle. Tucked into a booth, Tony had explained in so few words that Miles was now part of the Group. The group being, of course, children who Tony Stark was devoted to protecting and nurturing. He’d found out there were currently four of them, five if you count Miles. 

Miles, who Tony Stark  more or less took in within one minute of hearing about him from Peter. Miles, who was still figuring this spider-shit out, but now had a multi-billionaire, a meme-loving daredevil of a mentor,  _ Pepper-fucking-Potts,  _ and the Avengers on his side. And not to mention, the sweetest little girl he’d ever met, a grumpy security guard, and the Iron Patriot. 

Gwyn had flipped when he’d told her. 

“What’s that?” Peter asked now, peering at Miles’s phone. “Some kind of doo-hickey?”

“goober.” Miles corrected automatically, toying with the little device attached to his phone. “Peter B. made it. It lets me talk to the other Spider-people.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Mostly I just talk to Gwyn, and Peter B., and Noir and Ham. I don’t talk to the other me, because it’s  _ weird.” _

Peter nodded in understanding, before his eyes narrowed and a devilish grin split his face. “Gwyn, huh?”

“It’s... not like that.” 

“Really?” Peter asked,  disbelieving , “Because that voice crack and that blush say otherwise....”

“Shut up.” 

“I can’t wait to tell MJ ‘bout this. They’re  gonna flip. They secretly love this stuff- the drama and the romance, that is. They act so scary, but  really they’re just a big softie. Like dad.”

“I heard my name?” Tony appeared from the other room, holding a sleepy-looking Morgan, who immediately perked up when she spotted Peter. 

“Beter!” She clambered down from her father’s hold, rushing at Peter’s legs.

“Hey boo.” He poked her nose. 

“I still can’t believe you really got her to call you Beter. It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s ‘cause I ’ m h e r fa v o r i t e . ”

“No, you’re not-” tony started, but Morgan interrupted with a giggle. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, Daddy.” Morgan turned her nose up at him, smiling broadly.

Watching them, Miles wished he had a sibling. It was just him, his dad, and his mom, and they both worked a lot. Which he appreciated, of course, and they loved him, but it was so lonely. Having Peter and Tony was a nice change, even if it was a new one.

When Ham had been visiting, it’s just reminded him again how much he missed the others. He wanted to see them, but it was difficult with all the glitching. He and Gwyn texted almost constantly, and Peter B. called every couple  days to check up on him, but it wasn’t the same.

But watching the Parker-Potts-Starks, Miles didn’t miss them as much. He’d make do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join the [~disaster discord~](https://discord.gg/NTNR4WN) or face the consequences uwu uwu uwu


	16. truth or dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm HIGH KEY really proud of this one. it's kinda long too uwu

_9:19 pm_

**SHE > miles **

**SHE:** u up? 

**miles:** hi gwyn 

**miles:** yes I'm up it’s only 9 I'm not an old lady 

**SHE:** sure, jin 

**miles:** how many times do I have to tell you: it’s “sure jan” 

**SHE:** not here it isn’t 

**miles:** I have half a mind to block u- 

**SHE:** oh how upsetting, siri play hit me baby one more time 

**miles:** STOP 

**SHE:** fine. Blocked and deleted. 

**SHE:** never speak to me or my husband ever again. 

**miles:** ANYWAY 

**miles:** is the tony stark in ur universe so soft? 

**SHE:** nah he’s an ass 

**miles:** oh rip :I 

**miles:** here he’s an absolute softie 

**miles:** gwyn, he kissed peter’s forehead 

**miles:** all casual-like, too 

**SHE:** sounds gross. 

**miles:** oh hush I know you’re a softie too 

**SHE:** ….. Possibly so. 

**miles:** blocked and reported 

_10:02 pm_

**LET’S MISBEHAVE** _@we’reallalone_

Mmmmm hey **_@realspidey_ **

_10:03 pm_

**Spidey** _@_ _realspidey_

I was summoned? 

_10:04 pm_

**LET’S MISBEHAVE** _@we’reallalone_

I was thinkin.... we should play truth or dare 

_10:05 pm_

**Spidey** _@_ _realspidey_

Interesting proposal...... I accept. 

_10:06 pm_

**LET’S MISBEHAVE** _@we’reallalone_

:DDDD **_@realspidey_ ** truth or dare 

_10:07 pm_

**Spidey** _@_ _realspidey_

Truth. 

_10:08 pm_

**LET’S MISBEHAVE** _@we’reallalone_

**_@realspidey_ ** favorite avenger? 

_10:08_ pm 

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Easy. Pepper Potts. Also,,,, **#** **interwebs** that’s how I'll tag this one I think 

_10:09 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

Rude, **_@_ ** **_realspidey_ **

_10:09 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_ ** get naenaed, dad 

_10:10 pm_

**young king** _@youngking12345_

**_@realspidey_ ** first kiss? 

_10:11 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

oh that was with **_@_ ** **_nedleeds_ ** **_._ ** Mwah # ** _interwebs_ **

_10:13 pm_

**Chair Man** _@nedleeds_

**_@realspidey_ ** love u man 

_10:14 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@_ ** **_nedleeds_ ** love u too bro 

_10:15 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

No homo tho uwu 

_10:16 pm_

**Chair Man** _@nedleeds_

FULL homo **_@realspidey_ **

_10:17 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

...eyes emoji.... 

_10:18 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

Quick, **_@_ ** **_flashthompson_ ** , do something. **_@nedleeds_ **is stealing ur mans 

_10:19 pm_

**SPIDERMAN’s BOYFRIEND** _@flashthompson_

oh shit oh fuck oh heck- 

_10:20 pm_

**Ryoko** _@_ _ryokoiwata_

**_@realspidey_ ** truth or dare 

_10:21 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@ryokoiwata_ ** ….dare 

_10:22 pm_

**Ryoko** _@ryokoiwata_

Take a selfie from the top of stark tower 

_10:23 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

,,, here goes nothing,,,, if I die,,,, tell my children I love them,,,,, 

_10:24 pm_

**MJ™** _@_ michellejones 

**_@_ ** **_realspidey_ ** stop being a dramatic hoe and take the fucking picture u coward 

_\------_

_11:16 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[I-lived-bitch.jpg] theeeeeere u go. Feeding the masses. **@** **i** **n** **t** **e** **r** **w** **e** **b** **s**

\----- 

“Hey Tony,” Pepper looked up at him over the top of her StarkPad, pushing her reading glasses up her nose, “Have you ever hired anyone named Quentin Beck?” 

That gave Tony pause. He racked his brain but came up with nothing. “Don’t think so. What’s up?” 

Pepper waved a hand noncommittally. “Just a weird email. Going on and on about you stealing some invention of his.” 

“That doesn’t sound like me.” At his wife’s snort and raised eyebrow, he glowered at her. “That was one time, Pep!” 

She just shrugged, going back to her work with a smirk. 

“One time!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: okay so we're gonna make this short and sweet, with a good, easy plotline  
> also me: here's a bajillion chapters of pure crack uwu
> 
> [join the discord u coward](https://discord.gg/FW2A2KS)
> 
> i cannot  
> emphasize enough  
> how much  
> i want  
> to be  
> rawed by a vampire under the moonlight in a forest while fae dance around us in a sacred circle and the birds chirp and hte worms wiggle and the ground crunches under moving bodies and i cannot breathe and i cannot think of anything at all


	17. secrets

_6:01 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

_[video attached]_

[The video opens on Peter shushing the camera in a dark hallway. He’s in pajamas, and his hair is a mess, but he’s smiling wide and covering a laugh with one sweater-paw. 

“People are always saying Tony is selfish and all that bullsh- garbage,” Peter whispers, “But you’re wrong. Just look,” And then he’s poking the camera through a cracked door. 

Tony Stark is poring over an array of holographic screens. GoFundMes, Kickstarters, and the like are spread out in front of him. The camera stays on him a few minutes as he reads each thing he comes across, hits the “Donate” button, and painstakingly types out his donations—usually twice what’s asked. It’s a quiet, peaceful ritual, and he looks serene lit up by the gently flickering blue light, there in his sweats and grease-stained t-shirt. 

The camera pulls back towards Peter. “He thinks we don’t know; he always waits until he thinks we’ve all gone to bed. I don’t know why.” He pauses. “Well, yes, actually, I think I do. It’s like the same thing as me keeping my identity secret at first. It’s not about the recognition, it’s about helping and connecting, and, and, just... being human. Even if you’re fucking _Iron Man_.” He shrugs sheepishly, and makes to go on but there’s a faint, “Peter?” from inside the room. 

“Oh shit he heard me-” 

The camera cuts out.] 

\---------------- 

_3:41 pm_

**SMiles** _@_ _milesmorales_

[imageattached] Spidey Squad™ 

_3:42 pm_

**REBECCA** _@its-not-what-it-looks-like_

**_@_ ** **_milesmorales_ ** **** can I just be the first to say: Pure. 

_3:43 pm_

**fre** **sha** **va** **ca do** _@hideyokidshideyowifi_

**_@its-not-what-it-looks-like_ **It's true and u should say it 

_3:49 pm_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

The real question here is: who’s purer, Miles Morales, or Peter Parker himself? [Vote Now On Your Phones!](https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/XmeVsg)

\--------------------------------------------- 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [one of us](https://discord.gg/ZfHSuda)


	18. shit goes down

_ 7:19 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @ _ _ realspidey _

bluedadadeedadadumdadadeedadadadadadeedadadumdadadeeda

_ \------- _

“This is a nightmare.” 

“You can say that again.” tony agreed with his wife, nodding.

“This is a nightmare.” Morgan echoed, and Tony gave her a small smile. 

“It really is.”

\------

earlier

_ 3:25 pm _

** Quentin Beck ** _ @quentinbeck _

_ [video attached] _

[Quentin Beck, in a button up and slacks, is sitting at a table in a dark room, hands folded in front of him on the pale wood. He looks serious, eyes hooded and brows drawn.

“My name is Quentin Beck. In 2009, I was hired by Stark Industries. I worked closely with Tony Stark in the early 2010s on a project he later renamed,” A glare at the camera, “BARF.

“BARF is world-changing, it is my greatest masterpiece, it is my baby... and he stole it.

“He said I was unstable. He said I was doing the wrong thing, putting it in the wrong hands.” He slams a fist on the table, suddenly. “ _ I _ didn’t put it in the wrong hands;  _ he _ did: his own.” 

Beck takes a deep breath, seeming to center himself. 

“The world needs to know the truth: Tony Stark is a monster.  He’s a selfish, power-hungry monster. Mine is not the first invention he’d stolen; half the things he puts out are not even close to his own. 

“We need to do something. We need,” He pauses, “To take him down.” 

The video ends.]

\-----

_ 7:20 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @ _ _ realspidey _

**_ @quentinbeck _ ** leave my dad alone

_ 7:21 pm _

** Quentin Beck ** _ @quentinbeck _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** Your dad? Don’t make me laugh. Tony Stark has no soft bone in his body. He’s not fit to be a father. 

_ 7:22 pm _

** Quentin Beck ** _ @quentinbeck _

**_ @ _ ** **_ realspidey _ ** Tony Stark is not your father. He never was, and never will be. He’s a monster.

\--------------

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Dad, no.”

“I’m going to  _ end _ him.” 

“Mister Stark, what did I tell you about killing people for my sake-”

“Peter, he can’t- he can’t-” Tony took a deep, shuddering breath, his body shaking n the inhale, “He’s  gonna \- He's  gonna hurt you. I can't,” there were tears in his eyes now, “I can’t let him hurt you. I can’t.”

Peter sat down beside his father on the bed. “He’s not  gonna hurt me, Dad. Or you. Or Pepper, or Morgan, or Happy. I won’t let him. I swear.” He leaned into Tony’s shoulder. “I’m fine, Tony. See? I’m fine.”

\-------

_ 3: _ _ 2 _ _ 2 _ __ _ a _ _ m _

** N ** ** Y ** ** P ** ** D ** **** _ @ _ _ n _ _ e _ _ w _ _ y _ _ o _ _ r _ _ k _ _ p _ _ o _ _ l _ _ i _ _ c _ _ e _ _ d _ _ e _ _ p _ _ a _ _ r _ _ t _ _ m _ _ e _ _ n _ _ t _

M i s s i n g P e r s o n A l e r t :

N a m e : M i l e s M o r a l e s

A g e : 1 4

Sex: M

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Height: 5’8”

If any information is known about this person’s whereabouts, please call 911 immediately.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
> 
> https://discord.gg/n8qVD6G


	19. missing in action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha sorrry-not-sorry. get naenaed

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“ Fuck, shit asshole, I’m  gonna fucking kill that motherfucking bastard-”

“Language,” Steve piped up weakly, glancing at where Morgan was staring wide-eyed at her farther.

“Morgan, you don’t you and Cassie go play Legos?” Scott suggested,  pushing his daughter in the younger girl’s direction. 

“-I’m going to rip him to pieces, I’m going to- Fucking bastard. Asshat. Mother  pussbucket !”

“ Dad, calm down-” Peter tried. Tony whirled on him, fury in his eyes. 

“That asshat took a kid! My kid!”

“I know, Dad, I know-”

“I’m  _ not _ going to calm down!” He opened his mouth to go on, but a dainty hand settled on his back. He turned to see Pepper, eyes set. 

“Tony, we need to think about this rationally. We don’t even know that Beck is the one who took him. Maybe Miles is just at a friend’s house and forgot to tell anyone.”

“For three days?” Tony laughed, but it was bitter and hollow, humorous, hurt. “ Of course Beck is behind this.” He scoffed, then glanced towards where Vision and Nat were bent over a monitor. “Any news?”

“No, Sir.” Vision replied dutifully.

“We’ll find them, tony.” Nat assured him. “And then we’ll destroy him.” She’d never gotten the chance to meet Miles, but to see Tony this way tore her apart, though you’d never guess it.

“He can’t have gone far.” Cap reasoned, nodding at Natasha. Mouth set, she nodded back before turning back to the screen. She was currently going through all the camera footage in the area, all the SHIELD data on Beck, everything they had.

“And if we don’t?” Bruce tried, and Pepper cut her eyes at him. “Sorry,” He defended, “Just trying to be logical here. If we don’t find him... what is he planning? What does Beck want with Miles?” Bruce had met Miles, and quite like the kid. 

“He wants to get to me.” 

“Looks like it’s working,” Happy snorted, and then Pepper’s glare was on  _ him. _ He paled, then walked from the room,  muttering something about security to do or something of the like. 

Tony sighed, dropping into a chair. Cap looked around at the team, who all looked back. 

Grimly, he locked eyes with Tony. “Let’s get this bastard.”

\-----------

_ 3:19 pm _

** N ** ** Y ** ** P ** ** D ** **** _ @ _ _ n _ _ e _ _ w _ _ y _ _ o _ _ r _ _ k _ _ p _ _ o _ _ l _ _ i _ _ c _ _ e _ _ d _ _ e _ _ p _ _ a _ _ r _ _ t _ _ m _ _ e _ _ n _ _ t _

M i s s i n g P e r s o n A l e r t :

N a m e : M i l e s M o r a l e s

A g e : 1 4

Sex: M

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Height: 5’8”

If any information is known about this person’s whereabouts, please call 911 immediately.

_ 6:24 am _

** N ** ** Y ** ** P ** ** D ** **** _ @ _ _ n _ _ e _ _ w _ _ y _ _ o _ _ r _ _ k _ _ p _ _ o _ _ l _ _ i _ _ c _ _ e _ _ d _ _ e _ _ p _ _ a _ _ r _ _ t _ _ m _ _ e _ _ n _ _ t _

M i s s i n g P e r s o n A l e r t :

N a m e : M i l e s M o r a l e s

A g e : 1 4

Sex: M

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Height: 5’8”

If any information is known about this person’s whereabouts, please call 911 immediately.

_ 8:54 pm _

** Spidey ** _ @realspidey _

Miles.... we’re  gonna get you. Stay safe.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you!!! so. a bit of history: when i as hyperfixating on vld (shudder), i wrote a chatfic for it. now i'm hyprefixating on spiderman, and this is happening. and now... i'm on the cusp of hyperfixation with Good Omens, so.... what kind of Crack Fic would you like to see for it???? twitter, texting, a podcast fic perhaps????  
> [take this survey and let me know!](https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/kGrN4q)
> 
> [and join the discord!!!](https://discord.gg/Vw3PVcQ) it's lovely, and 80 meme-bers strong!!! there's all sorts of stuff in there! come join the fun uwu or face my wrath uwu join the cult uwu please uwu
> 
> and remember:  
> the poor can't go hungry if they're eating the rich


	20. disk horse, and a cliffhanger too

_ 1:06 pm _

** The Daily Bugle  ** _ @thedailybugle _

A fourteen-year-old boy, Miles Morales, has gone missing. He was last seen three days ago at 5:16 pm in a red hoodie and sweatpants. He is known to be an associate of Tony Stark—which leads us to ask, does Tony Stark have something to do with this? Is this his fault? 

_ 1:17 pm _

** NYPD ** _ @newyorkpolicedepartment _

There is no news on the missing person case of Miles Morales. We appreciate your continued support for the case and the boy’s family. We will let you know of any details we find. 

_ 1:18 pm _

** Ginny Weasley is a ho ** _ @allurfavesrhoes _

I agree with the Bugle- this is definitely Stark’s fault. 

_ 1:19 pm _

** Weeb city  ** _ @lesliedevine345 _

**_ @allurfavesrhoes _ ** big agree

_ 1:20 pm _

** Ginny Weasley is a ho ** _ @allurfavesrhoes _

If only tony stark would stop adopting kids. He's obviously not ready to take care of them—they keep disappearing! Didn't Peter go missing for a while last April??

_ 1:21 pm _

** Reginald  ** **_ @reginaldmcdonald _ **

**_ @allurfavesrhoes _ ** I think that was an april fool’s prank, but still. Irresponsible parenting, to let ur kid do that

_ 1:23 pm _

** Rebecca! ** _ @rebeccaplout _

He has a small child too, Molly, I think? Mina? Something with an m. Doesn’t matter. I fear for that child.

_ 1:24 pm _

** come and get it  ** _ @the-tea-is-HOT _

Imagine being an overgrown spoiled man-child and thinking it’s a great idea to have/adopt ACTUAL CHILDREN and then ruin their lives... yikes

_ 1:25 pm _

** why is everything so hard  ** _ @nomorenomore34 _

**_ @the-tea-is-HOT  _ ** u rite u rite

_ 1:26 pm _

** zine on sale now!  ** _ @furriesandfanart _

Maybe this misterio guy was right....

_ 1:27 pm _

** mario ** ** theme song  ** _ @helena-mcbride _

Doesn’t excuse kidnapping miles  tho ....

_ 1:29 pm _

** GiGi ** **__ ** _ @the-christmas-snake _

Wait who’s misterio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe cliffhanger time uwu
> 
> have a lovely day, and [join the disaster discord!!! we're almost a hundred strong!!!!](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg)  
> seriously tho it BAFFLES me that 100 ppl see shit i put on here and think, "oh i wanna know her" like r yall okay
> 
> i love momentum  
> i love to engineer  
> i love your fake teeth  
> i love the blogosphere!  
> i love the whole world,   
> and all its mysteries  
> boom dey adda boom dey adda boom dey adda boom dey adda


	21. where u been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> torture tw torture tw torture tw
> 
> it's super mild but uhhhhhh be safe friends

_ 2:06 pm _

** The Daily Bugle ** _ @thedailybugle _

We received a startling video earlier today about the disappearance of Miles Morales. Warning: Not suitable for younger viewers. Disturbing imagery. Please proceed with caution. 

[video attached]

[A boy sits on a dark room. He is not tied up; he is not gagged. He sits quietly, hands in his lap, and it’s obvious that something has been done to him. Something bad, and something recent. But his brows are  scrunched and his hands are fisted, and though he looks lean and starved for anything, he looks strong. 

Hollowed eyes blink at the camera.

“Say hello, Miles.”

“...Hello.” His voice is a grating sound, worn and groggy, perhaps a whimper or a moan. 

“Thank you, Miles.” The camera turns in someone’s hands and stares into a fishbowl of swirling fog. It glows faintly in the dim room. “Miles is an example. Or rather, Miles is an extension of a larger example about to unfold.” A sweeping gesture, a dry laugh. “ _ This _ is the doing of Tony Stark. His hands might not be the ones assailing blows to this poor boy, and his knives may not be the ones that cut him, but make no mistake: this is happening because of him, and because of people like him. 

“Tony Stark and his kind: the whining, slobbering bourgeoise, the rambling, disgusting mess of an upper class, the multimillionaires, the multi _ billionaires _ , are responsible for the pain others face. They are the problem. I am the solution.

“Tony Stark, I would like you to know, from the bottom of my heart: fuck you. Fuck you and your Iron Man. Fuck you dearly. 

“Miles is in pain because of you. Think about that.”

The video cuts off.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ >:D](https://discord.gg/Vav52bb)


	22. and so we wait

As best as Miles can tell, it’s been two days. If his internal clock is anywhere near correct he hasn’t eaten in nine hours, give or take.

This is close to correct: It has been fifty-four hours since he woke up here, and he last ate eight hours ago. 

Take stock of him: he is tired, and can’t sleep on the concrete flooring; he is weak, and in chains on his wrists and ankles; he is hungry and he is thirsty, and his fingers shake in his lap; he is cold.

Take stock of the room: It’s dim, and it's dank and it’s all the things a secret holding cell ought to be. It’s also under a railway station, and unbeknownst to Miles, he’s been here before: his uncle Aaron had taken him here to try out some new paint a while back—that’s when it started. 

There are six guards. One of them is named Clyde, and Miles heard him on the home with a woman named Cyndi six hours ago, when the brute had ordered in to check if he was awake. Miles had, of course, pretended not to be, as was common sense. 

Another of the guards, who Miles had begun to refer to as Michael in his mind, was absolutely tiny, and had big bug eyes and a square jaw: he looked like a small shark. He had kicked Miles on the chest six times in the past two days, and once in the head. 

For that matter, though, Miles was relatively unharmed. They left him alone, except when he shouted at them. Then they got mad.

Fishbowl Man was no where to be seen. Miles preferred it this way.

He lay now, flat on his back on the cold concrete floor, and looked at the fluorescent light hanging above him. It flickered green and yellow, and flies swarmed it idly.

It was going to be a long week.  
\----------------------------------


	23. *jeopardy music intensifies*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh.... i, mayhaps, have been giving u only short and confusing chapters just bc i like to see u suffer,,,, mayhaps.   
> i never said i was a benevolent god uwu

Strictly speaking, Tony was freaking out. 

Nat had been poring over the computers for the past three days, trying to get any kind of info on this fishbowl guy, who they still didn’t have a name for.

Steve had been in contact with every remaining SHIELD agent he could find, looking for any help they could get. Fury was nowhere to be found. 

Pepper had been working around the clock dealing with the PR disaster. 

Peter had spent the last few days watching Morgan, playing princess and teaching her spider-tricks, much to Happy’s dismay. 

And Tony… Tony had been panicking the whole while. 

Thursday was when they’d received the video: after it’d begun to sink in that no, Miles was not just staying over at a friend’s house, and yes, he was really missing: a video sent from an anonymous email, to Tony’s personal number, no less, at almost seven in the morning. 

Friday: Nat began her search, and Steve went looking for Fury. 

Saturday found Pepper passed out in his lap while he tried to keep quiet his mounting panic; failing, she woke up and calmed him from another attack; Peter was brought it; it was a whole thing. 

And now it was Sunday, and no one had seen Miles. There hadn’t been a peep out of the Fishbowl. 

Clint and Sam were absolutely convinced that Beck and the Fishbowl Man were one and the same, or at least working together; Nat had thrown in that, yeah, the Fishbowl Man  _ had _ used a voice modifier in his monologue. 

Tony… Tony didn’t know what to think. It was awfully suspicious, the timing. 

And in all his years moonlighting as a superhero, he’d learned a thing or two: coincidences are few and far between. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanna join the cult and become a worshipper of the almighty?? of course you do! [so what are you waiting for?](https://discord.gg/pgSyURj)
> 
> the next person to join gets the explicit privilege of bathing me in buttermilk and feeding me macaroons. act now while supplies last.


	24. you're in deep shit now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 0 0 ___________________  
> ` - ` 

It didn’t surprise Tony as much this time, the universe-hopping bullshit. He’d seen it; and last time it’d been a  _ pig _ landing on his doorstep. A girl was a bit easier to comprehend. 

Although, said girl had webbed him to a wall and held a knife to his throat. That was new. The pig hadn’t done that much. 

\-----

“Tony, please get some sleep.”

“Pepper, no, I have to-”

“Tony.” She put a hand across his chest, right over the reactor. “For me?”

He looked away. “He’s still out there, and that asshole is doing god knows what to him. I can’t just take a  _ nap _ , Pepper. Not while he’s still at risk.” Pepper opened her mouth to retort but he cut her off, “Please don’t. Pep, please. I’ll sleep when he’s safe.”

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Tony-”

“I can’t just-”

“You can!” She didn’t mean for it to come out as a shout; smoothing her skirt down, she went on is a softer voice,”You always do this. You put everyone else before yourself. Tony, I’m just worried. Please, get some rest.”

He stopped, and looked up at her from over the projections in front of him: video surveillance, twitter, a dozen news feeds, communications with Steve. “...Fine.” Reaching up, he went to close the holograms. Pepper crossed her arms across her chest and watched silently. 

“What’s that little one?” 

“What little one?” 

“The tiny pink one… it’s growing.”

Tony blinked at her, then at it. It was small, the size of his fist, and definitely not something he’d seen before. Glowing pink and purple and glitching like all hell, it began to grow, widening to a dinner plate. “That’s not one of mine.” 

“That’s not-”

And then just like that, it opened, and a girl came leaping forth, feet landing square on Pepper’s chest. She fell to the floor, the girl standing on top of her, and Tony had barely reached for his watch before a web shot from her outstretched hand and flung him back, holding him fast to the wall. Even as it all happened, Tony couldn’t help but marvel at the graceful way she moved, like a dancer from hell, white suit moving with her like a second skin. 

She was on him in an instant, a small pink knife held to his throat. 

“Where,” She growled, “Is Miles?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [👀](https://discord.gg/RKJmMbx)


	25. let's take a guilt trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoopsie

_10:46 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

guys 

_10:47 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

It’s come to my attention that yall are taking ur anger out on tony and like,,,, 

_10:48 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

NOT ALLOWED

_10:49 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

That is my DAD u can’t talk to/about him like that

_10:50 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Miles’s kidnapping disappearance is not at all tony’s fault

_10:51 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

If anything, it’s my fault

_10:52 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_#tonystarkdidnothingwrong_ **

_10:53 pm_

**yaZOINK** _@yayayayayaZOINK_

Uhhhhhh 1) it IS stark’s fault and 2) why the hecking heck would it be /your/ fault, **_@realspidey_ **?

_10:54 pm_

**fuck tony stark lives** _@naomixxxXXxxx_

 **_@realspidey_ ** it’s stark’s fault u fool

_10:54 pm_

**Babeheart** _@babey-sweetheart-lovely_

 **_@realspidey_ ** u don’t have to defend that monster babey

_10:55 pm_

**ISN’T IT LOVELY?** _@justletmedie2749_

 **_@realspidey_ ** nah fam it’s tony’s fault and that’s the tea

_10:56 pm_

**Desmond** _@desmond-the-moon-pear_

tony stark: *is responsible for the kidnapping of a literal child*

tony stark: “and i oop- sjkjskjsjkjsjskjkjsk

_10:57 pm_

**Ben Shapiro** _@the-real-ben-shapiro_

Tony Stark is a prime example of what’s wrong with this country: he’s an arrogant prick who doesn’t care about the consequences of his actions. Has Tony Stark worked a day in his life? No, I don’t think so. He’s been coddled and hand-held. And then he allows this to happen on his watch? Absolutely unacceptable. 

_10:58 pm_

**TONY STARK IS MY KING** _@tonystarkstan134565_

 **_@the-real-bens-shapiro_ ** lemme guess, you think he turned the frogs gay too??

_10:58 pm_

**Zendaya** _@zendaya-official_

 **_@the-real-ben-shapiro_ ** You disgust me. You have the audacity to say such things? What have you ever done for America? Tony Stark has made the world a better place, and you’re just gonna shit all over it? 

_10:59 pm_

**Zendaya** _@zendaya-official_

 **_@the-real-ben-shapiro_ ** Rude smh

_11:00 pm_

**Zendaya** _@zendaya-official_

**_#tonystarkdidnothingwrong_ **

_11:00 pm_

**fucking bullshit** _@holy_shit_oh_fuck_oh_

**_#tonystarkdidnothingwrong_ **

_11:01 pm_

**ALBUM OUT ON SOUNDCLOUD NOW** _@mc-spider_

 **_@realspidey_ ** how would this be your fault tho?? # ** _tonystarkdidnothingwrong_ **

_11:02 pm_

**absolute chaotic mayhem man** _@loki-stan-on-main-02_

**_#tonystarkdidnothingwrong_ **

_11:03 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

 **_@mc-spider_ ** it’s my fault bc i’m the one who put miles in danger

_11:04 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

If i hadn’t dragged miles into this mess then none of this would have happened

_11:05 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

I shouldn’t have messed up his life like this

_11:06 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Not to be cheesy, but my uncle used to say: with great power comes great responsibility…. And i fucked it up. I fucked it up bad. And now miles is hurt because of me. It’s my fault. 

_11:07 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

And there’s nothing i can do about it but watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry fam..... that shit hurted to write. 
> 
> #tonystarkdidnothingwrong
> 
> [join the discord u coward](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg)
> 
> hold me. please. 
> 
> please.


	26. oh shit oh fuck-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i'm dying- hold up, i'm invincible

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The camera shakes. It is dark, and only the outline of the man was visible: broad shoulders, an obnoxious cape, a globe for a head.It glows a faint blue, illuminating the pallid face, drawn and agonized, beside him. His hand is clenched around the boy’s neck; the boy’s own clutch helplessly at the other’s.

“I invite you all to take a look at this boy. Watch him struggle and hear him moan.

“And when you think of him in the night, send your prayers for this poor child, think about this: who’s doing is it? Who’s doing this to sweet little Miles Morales?”

The man laughs, and Miles coughs. 

“Tony Stark. Tony Stark is doing this. 

“We are the anecdote, not the perpetrators. We are not the problem, we are your solution. Miles is only the beginning.”

The video cuts on Miles’s pleading fae and the man’s disgusting laugh.]

\------

“What does he  _ want _ ?” Tony slams a fist on the table. “He isn’t making any demands, he’s just…. He’s just ...”

“Tell me again how this happened.” Gwen demand from where she’s leaning back in her clair across from him, legs thrown on the expensive countertops beside her. 

Natasha sighs. “Miles came to Peter looking for guidance, Tony took him under his wing, Mysterio took him-”

“Who the fuck is Mysterio?”

“That’s what he’s calling himself.” Rhodey shrugs, “Or his organization. He keeps saying ‘we’ in the last video.”

“And how many videos so far?” Impatient, Gwen swings her legs off the counter and stands, moving over to the hologram floating in front of the Widow. 

“Four. Two released to the public, one to Tony’s phone, and another to SHIELD. Fury is pissed.” 

“He’s just upset we interrupted his precious vacation. But justice never takes a vacation-” 

“Shut it, Capsicle.” Tony interrupts, glaring at Steve. “I can’t deal with your righteousness right now. What I need is a drink.” Nat sends him a look, and he throws his hands up, “But I’ll refrain. I’m sticking to lemonade.”

“We’ll find him, Tones.” Rhodey’s hand drapes on his shoulder, and Natasha makes eye contact with him, shoulders set. 

“You fuckng better.” Arms crossed, Gwen locks eyes with Tony. “Or I swear to fucking everything there is, you’ll regret it.”

“And who are you again, Missy? I don’t think I quite caught that when you were holding a knife to my throat.”

“A concerned party.”

“A girlfriend of Miles’?” 

She flushes, sinking lower in her chair. “It’s not like that-”

“Sure, sure. Tell me, do you and your piggy friend make a habit of jumping out of other dimensions and onto my front lawn?” 

“Well, it’s not just me and SpiderHam, there’s Peter B., and Penni, and the…” She stops, swallows. “The old Miles.”

“What happened to him?”

“Mysterio happened.” She scowls. 

“Wait, what? This has happened before?” Steve asks, leaning on his elbows on the glass table. 

“Yes. The other iles, the one I met first… It was sort of like this. Except we knew Mysterio was beck, and we… we lost. And he left. And Miles was gone.”

“Gone?”

“Dead.” She swallows, and it’s quiet for a tense moment. 

Steve raises a hand. 

“This isn’t elementary school, Cap, you don’t have to-”

Steve rolls his eyes and cuts Clint off with a glare, then turns to Gwen. “Did you just say Beck?”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmm ngl i'm proud of myself for figuring out how to make the mcu, the spiderverse, and my fuckery all work together. :)
> 
> are you looking for purpose? for a way to spend your saturday nights? wanna devote your life to a higher power? [yes, you are.](https://discord.gg/ZfHSuda)


	27. eyes emoji.jpg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to make you uneasy.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_ 2:05 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Name: Quentin Beck

Sex: M

Age: Unknown

Occupation: Unknown

Last Seen: Outside of Stark Industries in a black Honda Civic with no plates.

Please contact the NYPD immediately if you have any information. This man is highly dangerous. Do not approach.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------


	28. :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again i wanna make u uneasy. sorry not sorry.

It was quiet in the tower in the wee hours of night. Usually, most of its inhabitants would be asleep, Wanda would be helping soothe whoever’s nightmares had cropped up, and Vision would hover back and forth over their heads, standing adamant guard. 

Tonight was not a peaceful night. Tonight was war: tomorrow they stormed.

Strewn across the meeting room, tired eyes and rumpled clothes, they’d waited. And then, she’d fond ti: FRIDAY lit up and spoke to them, almost three am, and they knew where he was. 

They’d found him, they were going to get him out.

But first, sleep. There would be no sieges on empty stomachs or sleepless nights. 

Tomorrow, war. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us- ](https://discord.gg/NTNR4WN)


	29. update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I'm back in schools and I've been working so much I'm sorry

**Seige 1,** _August 16th_ **  
**

It was quiet in the tower in the wee hours of night. Usually, most of its inhabitants would be asleep, Wanda would be helping soothe whoever’s nightmares had cropped up, and Vision would hover back and forth over their heads, standing adamant guard. 

Tonight was not a peaceful night. Tonight was war: tomorrow they stormed.

Strewn across the meeting room, tired eyes and rumpled clothes, they’d waited. And then, she’d fond ti: FRIDAY lit up and spoke to them, almost three am, and they knew where he was. 

They’d found him, they were going to get him out.

But first, sleep. There would be no sieges on empty stomachs or sleepless nights. 

Tomorrow, war. 

_ August 26th 2:06 am  _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Updates on the Miles Morales situation will be coming at noon NYC time. Stay tuned.

_ August 26th 12:00 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Miles Morales has not been seen since August 07 at around 2pm, when he was seen being dragged into a black Honda Civic with no plates by bystanders. Missing Person notices have been sent out since, as follows:

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Name: Quentin Beck

Sex: M

Age: Unknown

Occupation: Unknown

Last Seen: Outside of Stark Industries in a black Honda Civic with no plates.

Please contact the NYPD immediately if you have any information. This man is highly dangerous. Do not approach.

_ 12:00 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Working with the NYPD, the Avengers have been searching for the boy. Seven videos have been released by an organization named "Misterio", led by one Quintin Beck, as according to a Stark Industries press release led by Pepper Potts. 

_ 12:01 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

One siege has been attempted by the Avengers, from which they returned injured. Miles Morales has not been located as of today, August 26th. 

\----

_ September 7th 3:19 pm _

**The Daily Bugle** _ @thedailybugle _

Today marks one month since the disappearance of Miles Morales, age 15. The Avengers have attempted six sieges at this point, all of which were failures. We at the Bugle, the voice of the people, believe that the Tony Stark has caused enough trouble, and should turn himself and his fortune over to the kidnappers, as per their recent demands, in exchange for the boy. 

_ September 7th 3:20 pm _

**The Daily Bugle** _ @thedailybugle _

Speaking on behalf of the Avengers, Stark Industries CEO Pepper Potts has said in various press releases over the span of the last week that the team is working side-by-side with the NYPD in order to ensure the safe return of the boy, but will it be enough? As America sits on the edge of their seats and watches, we will wait.


	30. t i c k   t o c k

It had been a long month. From what he could tell, it had been about four weeks since he’d been taken; he could count three broken ribs and one broken pinkie finger, but other than that he was fine: they left him alone if he didn’t complain too much. It seemed like Beck didn’t actually want to hurt Miles, he just wanted to get to Tony. Tony, who had shown Miles nothing but kindness. Tony, who spent his time and his fortune bettering and protecting this city and this world. Who went to space for them, who fought for them, almost died for them-- in another reality, Gwen tells him, he even did. 

Beck, and his whole organization, calling themselves Misterio, just wanted to watch him fall, and the world with it. Miles spat at him last time he spoke to him, and earned his third broken rib for it. 

He’d heard, over the din and clatter of the warehouse he was in-- fully operational, in plain sight-- the guards grumbling to one another about the Avengers having attempted a rescue time and time again. One of them, Clarence, big and beefy and loud, had mentioned that they even stormed this very warehouse last week, and were closing in. 

Miles could guess what had gone down, and he had plenty of time to think about it: the Avengers had attacked, and had failed because of BARF. When he was drunk or in a mood, Beck would come and yell at Miles, shouting about how Tony ruined his life, about his most terrifying creation, which Tony had taken for good, but which he’d intended for something else. Something that had now stopped _the Avengers_. 

Unsure of what else to do, he’s been training himself, practicing sticking and unsticking. He discovered, to his horror, that he could _make_ his webs. Form his _body_. After the initial shock and disgust wore off, he’d decided it was kind of cool. The webs were stretchy and sticky like glue or slime, and tended to disintegrate fairly quickly. If he practiced with them in what he assumed was morning, after the guards brought him breakfast, they’d be gone by lunch time, and the grousing idiots would be none the wiser. The cell has tall ceilings, and he was getting alright at holding himself up. There wasn’t much room to swings, so he sort of hopped from wall to wall on a string, like a panicked little pendulum. 

At least his time here wasn’t going to be _completely_ wasted, he hoped. It was all he could do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hear yall are pissed at me for hurting babey miles,,, so why not come [yell at me](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg) you cowards??? i get high on ur feedback.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been too long,,,, im taking 4 ap classes in school and another independently and working a fuckton and still dealing with my abusive parents,,, sorry.   
> but here it is!

  
  


At long last, there was a plan. 

Or, at least, the beginnings of one. Mere semblances, really. 

Miles knew a total of three definites: 

One, that Markus was the one to bring him dinner today, and Markus was a bit slow.

Two, that he could finally hold himself to the ceiling…  _ and _ get himself back down.

And three, that he was sick of this stupid cell.

So he waited, fingers and bare toes stuck to the disgusting, dripping cement above him. As he was musing how long he’d been stuck here, literally, there was a creak of hinges as the door opened. Markus, looking as confused and befuddled as he always did, had a tray in one hand and his taser in the other. 

"Here's yer slop, kiddo…. Kiddo? Where ya at?" Miles had always liked Markus. Markus never hurt him. He was just here to get paid and go. And so Miles regretted having to do this as he webbed the taser away, dropping from the ceiling in the process. 

"Wha-?" Markus was cut off as Miles webbed his mouth shut with a small, "Sorry Markus!" And then Markus was on the floor, each arm held down by sticky webs and Miles was climbing carefully over him-- still in the doorway, still that confused look-- and out into the hall.

That was as far as his plan had taken him. He didn't know the layout of the place-- he'd been drugged and bagged when they'd brought him here. To his left was a door, to his right a long, dim corridor. 

He didn't have long to debate which way to go, as there were footsteps from the other side of the door. 

"Shit-" Miles took off down the hallway, the door opening behind him as he ran. He could hear the moment Clarence-- it  _ was _ Clarence behind him-- noticed he was there, stuttering.

"Hey! Get back here, kid!" 

Moles flew down the corridor, tripping over his too-big sneakers and panting, the huge, bumbling guard stumbling behind him. It felt like his lungs were on fire and his heart was almost as loud as his pounding footsteps. He passed numerous closed doors, confused workers behind them. He kept forgetting that this was a functioning warehouse for a well-known company-- fucking  _ OsCorp _ , for christ’s sake, he was reminded as a lab technician stuck a mousy head out of one door. 

“Young man, what are you doing in-”

“Get back here, kid!”

The woman started, turning to look down the hall at where Clarence was barreling blindly along, shouting and cursing all the way. 

“Miss, can I get in there? Does this door have a lock?”

“What- of course- who-” She stepped aside and Miles slipped past her, ducking under her arm and throwing his weight against the door- reinforced steel, it was his lucky day. There was a crunch and a bang as the guard threw his huge body against the steel, barely leaving a dent. 

“What is going on here?” The woman asked, eyes wide in fear. She seemed to be the head technician, by the look of her, and the others all watched confusedly from their stations, work put on hold. 

Miles leaned against the door, feeling the rumble of the guard’s petulant banging on the other side. “My name,” He huffed, sliding further down so his thighs lay flat on the tile flooring, “Is Miles Morales. Please help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im too tired to link the server rn. u know the drill.


	32. oh shit oh fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. hi i keep forgetting this exists, sorry  
> 2\. i am losing motivation for this lmaooooo

“Nice to meet you, Miles Morales. My name is Olivia Octavius, but you can call me Liv.” She smiled, and something about it struck Miles as shark-like. “Help you how?”

“I… I was kidnapped! By Beck, or the Misterio organization or whatever… they threw a bag over my face. Please help me get out of here.”

Liv squinted down at him a moment, “As the head of OsCorp’s Misterio division, this is troubling. As a scientist, though, this is intriguing. Tell me, Miles Morales, if you were bagged and drugged, as you say, and held here, tortured, weakened, what-have-you,” She waved a nonchalant hand, pushing her round glasses further up her nose with the other, “However did you, a mere teenage boy, and a wiry one at that,” Miles rubbed a nervous hand down his arm self-consciously, “Escape?”

Though she had let him in, Liv did not seem kind. She seemed predatory almost, like she wanted to rip him apart under a lens. And-- Miles had not told her these things. She knew them. Another thing-

“...You said you were the head of Misterio?”

She beamed; her teeth glinted blaringly in the fluorescent lights, “I’m  _ co-founder _ . Sure, Beck designed BARF, but  _ I’m _ the one who made it possible. It’s just not fair that he gets all the credit-- I suppose it’s the downside of being a woman in STEM, you know? I swear-”

Miles felt his back hit the door. Clarence was still on the other side, banging away. 

"-but that's neither here nor there. What I'm wondering is how did you," She blinks at him, lips curving upwards, "Get away?"

Miles didn't answer, only curled his fingers into his palm, nails biting. 

"Would you, mayhaps, be the Miles Morales Quintin was using for his little pet project to take down the bourgeoisie or whatever chaos he has planned? He won't tell me much about it, you see, just that I'll finally get a chance to take down Stark Industries for good. I  _ am  _ awfully interested, you see. But why you, Miles? What's so special about you?"

"N-nothing's special about me! I am a normal kid, that's all-"

"You know, for some reason I don't believe you." Her grin wasn’t as inviting as it once was; she reminded him of a shark. Clarence banged against the door behind him, making him jump forwards away from it, and Liv caught his arm. Her fingers were cold and gloved on his bare arm. 

“No, really! I swear, I’m just some normal kid, let me-” He grunted, pulling at his arm; it came free and he fell back, “-go!”

For a minute, it was quiet, and Miles actually thought maybe she would listen, but then she simply said, “Get him,” and the scientists behind her took off towards him. 

Miles wasn’t one for swearing, but now seemed the appropriate time- “Oh, heck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3\. [join the server i guess](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg)


	33. conflict resolution???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya babe didnt want to write anymore drawn out bullshit, so she didnt.

_ 10:24 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

Earlier this evening, a warehouse in central Brooklyn exploded unexpectedly, leaving six dead and four injured. Of the injured are three OsCorp workers and one Quintin Beck, now in custody, charged for the kidnapping of Miles Morales. 

_ 10:24 pm _

**NYPD** _@newyorkpolicedepartment_

After a long month and a half, Miles Morales has been found. He is mostly unharmed save for a broken rib and a sprained ankle, as well as minor bruising and burning. More details as they arrive.

\--------------------------------

_ 2:01 am _

**Becca** _ @beccabeckersonsss _

w,,, what is this about a warehouse exploding??? How is this related????

_ 2:04 am _

**#1 Natasha Stan** _ @blackwidowcansteponme _

Uhhhhhh they did say the guy arrested was charged with kidnapping miles…. Eyes emoji….

_ 2:07 am _

**Becca** _ @beccabeckersonsss _

__ oh yeah lmao… but like why did it explode and why was oscorp,, like,,, there???

_ 2:09 am _

**#1 Natasha Stan** _ @blackwidowcansteponme _

__ Mayhaps he was being kept there?? Mayhaps oscorp and misterio were in kahoots??? Oscorp IS stark industries’ greatest competitor,,, EYES EMOJI

\-------------------------------

_ 8:17 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

At long last, Miles Morales is home safe. The Avengers did not save him-- yet another broken promise. The poor boy, beaten, battered and bruised, had to fight his own way out of a heavily guarded underground facility on his own-- no Iron Man in sight.

_ 8:17 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

It is unclear how exactly Miles escaped, or what caused the explosion. He has been taken to Avengers Tower, where he could not be reached for comment by our hardworking reporters. 

_ 8:17 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

When asked for comment, the NYPD claimed they couldn't reveal any more information than they already have, but we all know this is just a coverup for the Avengers’ misbehavior.

_ 8:18 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

Peter Parker was approached as he arrived at his school of Midtown Tech this morning, but refused any questions curtly and rudely. He really  _ does _ take after that trashy mentor of his.

_ 8:19 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

As for Quintin Beck, we still do not know for sure if he is guilty, besides the untrustworthy Avengers claiming so, form an undisclosed “inside source”. Why hasn’t this inside source come forward with his or her information? Why only keep it to the Avengers? 

_ 8:19 am _

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

One theory is that the Avengers themselves staged the kidnapping, headed by an attention-hungry Tony Stark. Stark has always been a whore for the spotlight, and this would be no different. But bringing kids into this, putting their safety on the line… it’s unspeakable. Perhaps Misterio was right… he needs to be taken down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehh how does this make u Feel?
> 
> anyway it'll be better after this.... action and angst arent my forte lmaooooo  
> also i just. Stopped Caring about this.... and i oop-
> 
> anyway join the [cult](https://discord.gg/eAetgQg)


	34. recoop

1 _0:02 am_

**Nerd to the Third**

**Chiar Man:** peter how is miles doing

**Beter:** he’s doing a lot better. he’s walking around and everything

**Chair Man:** oh sick

**MJ:** tell him we hope him well??

**Beter:** will do

**Chair Man:** and how are you ,,, holding up?   
**Beter:** honestly? i’m kinda salty at the media right now

**Beter:** like i know it’s their job or whatever but… that’s my fucken dad

**Beter:** hoes mad x365

**MJ:** valid

**Chair Man:** let’s just focus on the good thing then: miles is back all safe and stuff

**MJ:** although it is good to accept ur emotions, not ignore them beter

**Beter:** yes ma’am

**Chair Man:** hey 

**Chair Man:** my advice was good too

**Beter:** oh 

**Beter:** uhh yes of course

**Chair Man:** :(

**MJ:** ha get naenaed

**Chair Man:** :(((((((

\--

**ACTUAL AVENGERS ACTUAL GROUPCHAT**

**birb:** hey where’s tony he wasn’t at breakfast and peter’s looking for him

**big birb:** idk up ur ass and around the corner

**birb:** that wasn’t even funny the first time clint let it go

**big birb:** how about i. dont?   
**Natasha:** He’s in the infirmary, Sam.

**birb:** oh thanks nat

**birb:** ur my favorite avenger

**big birb:** _ okay, ouch _

**Bucky:** suckup 

**America’s Ass:** Stop it, you two, for the love of god, I swear.

**birb:** dont swear in front of children steve

**Bucky:** what children

**birb:** like barnes

**Bucky:** fuck you

**birb:** anytime chief

\----

When Peter got to the infirmary, Tony was asleep in one of the chairs. Miles had his phone out and was scrolling through the news, making faces. 

“Is it that bad?” Peter asked by way of greeting.

“‘Miles Morales Escaped Convict?’ ‘Tony Stark’s Gravest Mistakes, Ranked.’ ‘Petition to Have Tony Stark Arrested.’ ‘Avenger? More Like Asshole.’ And my favorite, ‘Miles Morales All Publicity Stunt, Actually A Robot, Inside Source Says.’”

Peter wrinkled his nose. “Inside source? Who?”

“Who was  _ your _ inside source Pepper mentioned in the press conference?”

“Well…” Peter stopped, grinned at Miles, “This girl came here, hopped on in like Peter Porker did, and she-”

‘Gwen? Gwen was here? Where is she?” Miles sat up straighter in bed, dropping his phone onto the blankets beside him. 

Laughing, Peter put a hand on his chest and shoved him back down. “Jeez, dude SHe left last night, after oyu got here. Said something about her atoms getting messed up, so I stopped listening because it seems rude to listen to a girl talk about her atoms. That shit’s personal.”

Miles blinked at him. “Dude, did you get any sleep at all?”

“Maybe so.” He shrugged, yawning. “Maybe I should do that, huh?”

“Yeah, think so.”

“Lmao.”

“Don’t say that aloud.”

“Okay lmao.”

“Peter, I  _ just _ got back from torture, please no more-”

“Oh sorry chief. Lmao.”

“Oh my god.”

**Author's Note:**

> mwah hah hah hah hah
> 
> mmmmmmmm gonna make more of this. prepare for another long one, like the first one was. maybe not AS long, but. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
> 
> have a lovely friday!!!


End file.
